Black, White Noise, Dust & Onion · Namrata

Larger Than Life by Namrata

The topic of this month was to write something utilizing at least 3 of the following words: White Noise, Black, Dust, Onion.
Smile through the pain they said. Un-clench your teeth and loosen your jaw.
They said, through wide smiles carved by the incisors of ‘ideal behaviour’.

Blink away the tears love, lest they pour out of your overflowing eyes in jagged streams,
Lest they create a scene and shame us.
Come on now lad, the glossy sheen in your eyes better be from dreaming about that girl you admire,
and not from tears shaped by weakness and fragility.

Wipe away the tears darling. Don’t you see how they mar your face.
You are, after all, a porcelain doll, an aesthetic display of beauty
and the cracks across your face remind us you are human.
And we can’t have that.
Don’t slump your shoulder and sulk about son,it’s not fitting for a young man.
Shove all those thoughts that plague your mind and heart
deep into the recesses of your being.

As though it were just white noise,
faded and irrelevant.

So I did it.
I gritted my teeth and swallowed my emotions.
The flames of despair licked away at my rib cage, almost reaching my heart,
but never quite touching it.
I fluttered like a butterfly in erratic motions,
just to hide my slowly-freezing, vapid emotions.
My tears backed up from my cheeks,
into my eyes and finally pooled into a growing pit of despair.
They meandered inwards, burning whatever they touched upon,
as though it were acid.
The wails I swallowed, broke through the rib cage and shot through my heart,
creating a bottomless black hole, sucking in every bit of color I had in me.

I was now a limp creature held up by the strings of approval,
that I lost my heart and soul to.
My eyes screamed one last time before my insides crumbled into dust.
But not my face.
No.
My face, was still lit with a smile
larger than life.

Maps · Namrata

Maps by Namrata

Ten leaps forward said my brain. I ran barefoot pricking myself with pine cones and the hard shells of nuts, creating a trail of blood behind me but my heart begged to differ. It thumped against my rib cage, warning me to go back to the start, to not go on this journey of self-destruction ahem, self-discovery. it’s funny how our brain is heralded as the all-knowing Yoda, and the heart the sappy, emotional teenager going through a mid-life crisis. However, In reality, it’s the convictions and the beliefs you have in your heart that save you when your rational brain fails to decipher the hidden meanings and states only what it sees.
¬†Without any charted course or a definite destination, I stumble my way through the purposeless weeds and the majestic oak trees that make up the woods and reach a clearing. I hear the river before I see it. I hear the delicate swaying and the rippling mini waves caused by the fish and birds. I’m drawn to towards the sparkling river and its purity. I wondered how it would feel to get lost in the water. To lose control and let go of all sense of direction. I step into the river and walk until the water reaches my chin. All the memories, both good and bad ran through my mind. And then I sink, figuring that I could swim with the fish to Neverland.